Do not operate near open flame

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Once upon a time there was a poor farmer in the Jade Taiga. One day he was tending his fields, when The Li Merit Trading Company came by.

First, a guard rode past on a horse. Then came a cart with three guards. Next were two more carts with ten guards. Finally, there was a man on a black horse with a white fetlock. That man was Li Merit.

Li Merit dismounted from his horse.

"Farmer", he said, "I will sell you a magic box! Those strawberries you are harvesting will spoil in two days. You will not be able to sell them in big cities, just in small towns. If you buy a magic box, you can pack your strawberries in it and carry them to the farthest cities in the land and they will still be fresh. I will sell it to you for just one tael. As long as you do not operate it near open flame, you will make back your investment in no time!"

The farmer thought, and he thought, and he thought he was tired of being a poor farmer. So he bought the magic box from Li Merit, on credit, at very reasonable rates. With the magic box came a fifty page manual with the words "Do Not Operate Near Open Flame" neatly caligraphed in red on the cover.

And the farmer put his strawberries in the box and took them to the City of Spires and sold them for 10 li.

Then the farmer put spinach in the box and took it to the Hidden City and sold it for 10 li.

Then the farmer put squash in the box, picked it up, and started walking toward the Iron Fortress.

The farmer came to the end of the Taiga and started climbing the mountain, which was very steep. Night fell. It was cold, and a fire would have been nice. But the farmer remembered the neatly caligraphed words "Do Not Operate Near Open Flame" and wrapped himself in a blanket for the night.

The box was very heavy and the mountain was very steep. Night fell again. This time, the farmer thought he heard pandas howling in the distance. It would have been nice to have a fire. But the farmer remembered the neatly caligraphed words "Do Not Operate Near Open Flame" and wrapped his blanket around his head and shivvered awake all night.

The next day, the farmer was very tired, the box was very heavy and the mountain was very steep. That night, the famer heard a snuffling noise. Perhaps it was a panda? Then he heard the sound of a very large tongue licking very large teeth. The farmer thought about the neatly caligraphed words "Do Not Operate Near Open Flame". Then the farmer thought about a panda with very sharp teeth. Then the farmer tried to start a fire.

And now, there is a new foothill on Iron Mountain. There, the farmer and his squash will remain fresh until the sea rises up to swallow the Empire.

So, please always remember and never forget, Do Not Operate Near Open Flame.

The End