How Lijuan Tamed the Spider

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by Sung Lijuan


Lijuan finished her Homework and Master Zhou warned her about a lot of things, so she sent a message to People in Danger.  Then they asked to meet to ask questions.

Lijuan wasn't sure she could answer the questions, so she invited Cai Wen, Master Deng and Tokai Takanata to come with her.  But when she got there they said "You will not convince me that you were all there with Bruno at the end, and I have been betrayed too often to meet with well-armed strangers."

So Cai Wen said "I shall always treasure the day when I was mistaken for muscle" and Master Deng got ready to leave too, and Tokai Sama said "I believe it would be wisest for the three of us to withdraw, and if the Lady is still here, she can speak with you.  If you truly believe you are in need of my assistance, perhaps I will find it is appropriate to return."

Then Grasshopper said (remember, Lijuan was disguised as Grasshopper) "So you think it's not a trap?  Ok!  I'll do my best Tokai Sama.  Maybe I can make you proud."


But it was a trap!


When Grasshopper wakes up he says to the people "You're not from house Sung!  What do you want?"  Lijuan was laying a trap for House Siew and it's good that it worked, but she thinks it's too bad they didn't bring a panda.  The trap would have worked better if she could have used the tea house, though.

The annoying woman asks Grasshopper who he is and he says "Dog!  You will learn nothing from me!"  He tries to pretend that he doesn't know what this is about, because if they know they caught Lijuan they'll probably kill her.

And then the annoying woman says  "Don't be silly.  I *will* learn what I want to know - the question is how much it hurts along the way.   Last chance..."  See how annoying she is?


And the trouble is, the bad guys have someone who can tell if Lijuan is telling the truth.  So every time she makes something up, they know she's lying and that tells them something even if Lijuan didn't.

And the annoying woman knows accupuncture and asks a whole lot of questions about parents and animals and Liaming Kei and Tokai Sama's schticks.  This is really tricky because Lijuan has to remember that they know when she lies and she has to remember that she's pretending to be someone not her and pretend to not want to answer the questions Grasshopper wouldn't want to answer.  And they're gonna figure out Grasshopper's not a boy pretty soon now, if they didn't already.  But Lijuan's pretty clever and only screws up a couple of answers.


When Lijuan wakes up again she quickly makes a bow to defend from her enemies!  And they finally bring her a panda bear, so her plan really is working.

And then it's time to stop pretending not to be her, because her plan worked, so she talks a lot to the annoying woman.  And the annoying woman agrees to stop hunting Lijuan if Lijuan will get married to the kind of nice man, so Lijuan cuts her thumb and says  "I swear upon my name and blood that I will show up when and where you say to, to marry this guy.  And I hope it will stop the stupid destroying each others' houses and if you're working for Spider or Kali or undead I'll be really pissed." And that's how Lijuan tamed the Spider.