Secret Diary of a Pervy Kung-Fu Fancier

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Yang Shen-Ji recently acquired a ragged copy of a VERY old manuscript in the course of his studies about the cycle and in his spare time he is translating it into the modern dialect. Master Yang believes that with the cyclical nature of the universe, events tend to repeat themselves, so learning about the past may shed light on the present.

The Secret Diary was apparently written by a person who seemed to always refer to himself as “The One.” He is not sure about the exact identity of “The One,” but future entries in the diary may shed light on this mysterious personage.

  • Day One:

The One went on a nice walk today, but was disturbed by pile of cabbages and squabbling farmers. The big soldier hunk who was there clearly missed the winking, however, and insists on guarding someone else during the night. Must learn what tricks this guy has using to keep guard mooning over him like a lovesick dog. He wouldn’t ignore the One if he were Emperor.

  • Day Two:

Visited circus today. Admired the Strongman, who also seems to not understand winking. Retaliated against monkeys flinging their own dung with symmetric arrangement; only seemed fair. Managed to knock one monkey down; he won’t be flinging again any time soon.

The King ate some bad shrimp and is down with a really bad case of explosive diarrhea. Needs someone to get him the Pepto of Ultimate Bismo before royal outhouse rots from the fumes. The One will join the first group to get off the island and upwind of the place.

Still not Emperor yet.

  • Day Three:

On boat when suddenly ex-mother-in-law attacked. Knew her tentacles could not reach captain’s privy, so stayed there even after Captain ran out. Warned Captain that ex-mother-in-law played really rough grab-ass, but Captain said he liked the rough stuff. Sadly, ex-mother-in-law bites his head off.

Still not Emperor yet.